An Experiment in Friendship

I threw a party. I was able to assemble most of my good friends and closest relatives at a restaurant to celebrate someone very close to me: Me. I know that sounds a tad vainglorious, but I recently turned 70. If not now, when? The attendees were instructed to not bring gifts. That didn’t stop about half of them, and I thanked them. I probably would have done the same. But, honestly, their presence was the best present I could receive.

It wasn’t until they had all arrived that I felt a satisfying sense of accomplishment and a simmering joy inside me. It was a 100% turnout! Save those who lived out of state, everyone who was invited came. At about a half hour in, I observed a gratifying by-product. There were 5 tables that sat 8-9 guests. Those that arrived earliest predictably sat with others they already knew. Those that came later had little choice. They had to join with strangers.

This made for a delightful coalescence. A best friend from college and his wife got acquainted with two friends I had come to know in the corporate performing world. To put it another way, two lawyers dined with a guitar player and a belly dancer. A comedian friend broke bread with a bunch of my high school chums. That is, a St. Ignatius High grad chewed the fat with three Riordan alums. Riordan and S.I. are bitter rival Catholic high schools, yet no insults or foodstuffs were slung across the room. In fact, John inquired about renting Bob’s cabin at the Russian River this summer. All smiles.

It seemed everyone was either smiling or laughing all evening. The gang represented the species known as Amicus D.scopazziae: siblings, cousins, high school buddies, college buddies, comedians, corporate performers, writers, teachers, attorneys, techies, salespeople, an accountant, an auditor and a CFO. Their intermingling instantly brought back an image from my childhood: my 8 yr.-old Italian American self, sitting on the steps of my house after school in foggy San Francisco with my neighborhood friends – a Chinese kid, a Black kid, an Irish kid, and a Latin kid. We looked like a print ad for The United Colors of Benneton.

After dinner plates were cleared, Cara rose to thank everyone for coming, my buddy Clark announced a very funny Top 5 Signs That You’re Old, and my best man, Stu gave an excellent toast to our friendship. I then hogged the mic for a few minutes and explained why I had beckoned them all that evening:

“This bash was my idea because, not only am I vain, but more and more these days I hear about a contemporary who has passed away. And at all those funerals and all those memorials, friends and relatives get up and praise the deceased. Everyone gets to hear how the speaker feels about the unlucky stiff. However, that lifeless honoree has no opportunity for rebuttal. So, consider this speech a preemptive strike:

Now, I may live to a hundred or get hit by a driverless Tesla tomorrow. So, I would like to express how I feel about all of you while I’m still breathing: You, my family and my friends, are my greatest source of joy. At some point in our journeys, we have shared victories, losses, or rites of passage and developed deep bonds. When someone asks me what’s my favorite thing to do, the first thing that comes to mind is, “To laugh with my friends.” And I say this knowing that Cara is in the room. So let me add that your presence, my love, is assumed because we two are indeed one. I need you there to tell me stuff like, “You can’t say that!” And to Roy, it gives me great pleasure when you know something on Jeopardy that I don’t.”

I then went on to address each cadre of cohorts, thanking them for their unwavering loyalty. We all then drank a little more, had Cara’s homemade cupcakes (compliments galore), and called it a night.

I know that I am fortunate to have this many good friends. To have them all in one place, having a blast…well, I hadn’t dreamt that dream, but it came true anyway. No birthday gift could compare. I assured them: “When we do this again ten years from now, we will all have name tags and an extra chair for your caregiver.”