I feel like I shouldn’t be here right now. Here. In front of my computer. Writing. I shouldn’t be here. I should be at the gym; in the pool or upstairs lifting weights and working my abdominal muscles. Staving off Father Time. Working at looking presentable so I can feel confident on stage. But no. I can’t. Or rather, I know I shouldn’t.
I have a torn right medial meniscus. The cartilage in my knee is damaged. There was no trauma. I just woke up and my knee hurt. That is the opening salvo in a lot of conversations I’ve been having with my friends lately: “How are you doing?” They will reply, “I just woke up the other day and (insert malady here).” They range from “my right eye was all blurry” to “my shoulder hurt like hell” to” I had this tremendous headache, and my eye was all blurry and my shoulder hurt like hell”.
The reason that I am not at the gym is that I’ve been on my feet a lot the last couple of days, and I need to rest my knee. It makes me appreciate athletes who get injured and can’t be on the court or on the field. It must drive them nuts.
I can still do crunches, planks, or sit-ups to keep my waistline from expanding. However, it’s not the same as swimming laps for forty minutes. When I’m done, showered and dressed, I feel relaxed and energized. My mental outlook has improved. I can have a beer that night and feel I’ve earned it.
Now, I know I’ll get satisfaction from completing this essay. If I churn out 800 words in one sitting, my mood will most certainly be elevated. I just won’t have that endorphin release I get from physical exercise. I’ll look at my body in the mirror and accept that organizing words into text didn’t help. You just can’t type the calories away, no matter how hard you isometrically push the keys.
I am talking about it. As much as a conversation with myself is talking. And talking helps. I recommend this exercise to anyone troubled by anything. Sit down and report your thoughts. It might help see you through that dilemma. It’s plenty cheaper than a visit to a therapist. If you’re a slow typist like me, you’ll have that much more time to figure things out.
A nifty byproduct is you will have created a written record of your thoughts that others may appreciate. If I go for a long swim there’s no one there to say, “Way to go, Dan. I really enjoyed that.” Whereas if write something that moves someone one way or another, they will often drop a note in the comment box. It’s like getting laughs for a joke I wrote. It wasn’t just me. You thought it was funny, too.
I started writing these essays during Covid. All opportunities for live performances were put on hold. I needed a way to express myself, to get my ya-ya’s out. I enjoy it. But the approval is delayed. If I tell a joke on stage, I’ll often know just before I finish telling it if the audience will laugh. It has to do with how well I tell it and whether they’ve liked me so far. When I send something out that’s viewed on a screen, I won’t be able to tell for hours or days if it hits the mark.
I do enjoy that fluidity of the process. It releases me from the constraints of joke writing. Jokes rely on the economy of words. Sometimes you’ll see a comedian that you might think was pretty good. Then five years later you’ll see them, and they are way funnier. You might hear the same jokes. But they’re sharper now. That comedian learned how to edit, to get to the funny faster. Then they’ll come at you with another funny joke which went through the same process. Finely tuned joke after joke after joke until…they’re killing. They deserve it. They put in the work.
The worst thing I can hear a comic say on stage is, “So whaddya wanna talk about?” I want to say, “None of your business. I came to hear what you want to talk about. No one drops 50 bucks on tickets and drinks to watch you shoot the shit with the guy at table 5. I assume you have gathered your thoughts into a cohesive presentation. That’s what I bought at the box office. If I don’t get it. I want a refund.”
At any rate, I do want to thank all of you who have continued to read my Substack. If you are new, please peruse the archive. There are over 80 essays. Also check out my podcast. You can hear audio versions of many of my earlier episodes. And please feel free at any point to say, “Okay Dan, I think that’s enough. Shouldn’t you be at the gym?”
Right on the mark, Danny.
Great stuff, Dan. I eschew exclamation points, but insert if you please.