I bowed out of my monthly high school buddies Zoom chat last night. I knew they’d understand. One of my long-time comedian friends, Bob Sarlatte (nicknamed “The Genius”) asked if I’d like to accompany him to a Golden State Warriors game. I leapt at the chance. Who says white men can’t jump?
For the last couple of months, I had sporadically checked out ticket availability for individual games. The price was prohibitive for a decent seat, so I consigned myself to the couch. But I know Bob, and he wouldn’t be caught dead slumming it, so these had to be good seats. I felt like Charlie who’d just discovered his golden ticket to the Chocolate Factory.
My only responsibility is to pick him up and buy the beer. Being a native San Franciscan, I pride myself on finding free street parking. If someone claims to be from here, give him 10 minutes to find parking in a busy neighborhood. If they fail, they’re a liar. I nab a spot just a few blocks from the Chase Center, San Francisco’s new $1.4 billion-dollar state-of-the-art multi-purpose arena and home of your Golden State Warriors.
Shielded from the street, surrounding the Chase Center is a circular plaza dubbed Thrive City, a gathering space created by the Warriors and Kaiser Permanente to promote health and wellness in the greater Bay Area. All I know is I’ve been magically transported to sports fan nirvana because in front of the arena resides a three stories high digital screen. It is 74 feet wide and filled with basketball. It bathes the enchanted fans in multicolor light as they gleefully glide toward the turnstiles. I feel light as a feather.
Once inside, we breeze past the concessions to the top step of our section. Dumbstruck, I stop to take in this grand glistening cathedral. A gargantuan scoreboard hangs suspended over center court: two stories of ultra high def displaying not just the score, but up-to-the-second game stats of the players currently on the court, and the game itself…in real time…in all four directions! You can watch the game you’re watching and get to see the replays! I remark out loud, “This is nuts!”
We sit 17 rows behind the western basket. I compliment my host on his seat selection. He reveals that he went in on season tickets with three other guys. Let’s just say for a single admission to one game you could score almost a year’s worth of “Disney Plus plus Hulu plus ESPN Plus”… A spit in the ocean compared to a luxury suite which goes for a cool two mil a season. Mind you, you’re not buying something for $2 million, you’re just renting. *
We settle into our seats and cheer as the hapless Detroit Pistons are fed to our short-handed heroes who lead by twenty for most of the game.
At halftime we go up to the concourse and get a couple “burger dogs”, which are exactly what they sound like, elongated ground beef in a hot dog bun, and two beers, all for a measly $58, payable only by credit card. No cash allowed. It slows things down and all that currency could contain the virus, right?
Bob checks his phone and notices there are several calls from his Warriors ticket rep. He calls him back and abruptly orders me to follow him. We descend all the way down to the court and meet his rep at the baseline behind the basket. He points out our new seats for the rest of the game, just six rows from the court in the “club” section! Bob nudges me. “Not bad, huh?” Bob loves having juice.
The rep is a young shifty-eyed hustler in a Sluggo cap**, always on his phone. He reminds me of the teenage scalper, Damone, from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the crumb who knocks up Jennifer Jason Leigh and then won’t even give her a ride to the abortion clinic. He’s probably a very good fellow but he gives off the vibe that he’s always on the make. He leads us to the tunnel and hands us off to the guardians of “The Club”. We approach a large curtain, manned by burly attendants who apply red bands to our wrists.
They then open the curtain to reveal the most heavenly sports bar on earth. Two to three hundred hobnobbing lucky stiffs are indulging in a raucous bacchanal of free food and drink. Every table and wall are adorned with monitors displaying a live feed of the game. Thick beefy burgers, meaty wings, volcanic nachos, and oven-fired gourmet pizza – everything that costs an arm and a leg upstairs – is free for the taking. Top shelf call drinks mixed by professional bartenders waiting for your order. Rows of 20-oz. craft IPAs beckon while I careen about with my cardboard tray of beer and burger dogs from the poor side of town. I looked like a goof who walks into the Sunday brunch at the Ritz Carlton clinging to a sack lunch.
Bob and I find a tiny ledge to set down and devour our beggars banquet. He apologizes for not having checked his phone earlier. He promises to take me to a future game and do his best to get us back into “The Club” and make-up for the decadence we so decidedly deserve.
The Dubs take it by 16, covering by a ½ point. As we empty out onto the plaza, we walk toward a glass-walled studio. Fans are watching the live postgame show with Golden State great, Chris Mullin. We leave Warrior wonderland and wander back to the car. I drop off the Genius and head home reflecting on the evening.
I was dazzled. It was almost as exciting as the 1975 NBA finals game I attended versus the Washington Bullets. I’m still trying to figure out how I was only 23 and could somehow afford a seat back then. I must have emptied my savings account.
So, yeah, the Chase Center may be the 9th Wonder of the World but it ain’t no Cow Palace.***
*https://www.sfgate.com/warriors/article/sf-chase-center-ticket-prices-warriors-13768493.php
**https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicStrip/Nancy
***https://www.cowpalace.com/p/about-us/history
wow...what a great night and all that food!!! :-)
I wanted to go to that game - I'm from Detroit! This is such a funny story! i will not pay to park at the Chase or anywhere either. But i was not as lucky as you were when i last went, and i am usually very lucky. You were mere minutes away from saving $58!! and eating and drinking better i might add. I hope Sarlatte is able to get you to another game!! The Warriors are SO pricey - wasn't always like that. Even before Chase in Oakland they got expensive. But such a fun team!